misAdventures in dating

Last night I had the best and worst of both worlds of match.com dating.
First, the worst....A young lady contacted me on match, we exchanged numbers and talked later in the day. She sounded interesting and she suggested we meet for a drink. I should admit that I have a comfort zone of places nearby that I like to meet match dates at, so that if they end up being nightmares, I can get drunk enough to suffer through the date, then walk home. This young lady, let's call her " J", would have none of that, and insists I drive OUTSIDE THE PERIMETER to meet her. Her pictures, which make her look like some kind of gymnast or cheerleader, persuade me to make the trek. She asks me to call her when I'm close to the bar she wants to meet at.
I call her when I realize the directions she has given me are wrong, but she doesn't answer. I call when I finally find the god forsaken place she had chosen, she doesn't answer. Did I mention, it was a fucking Applebee's?
I belly up to the bar a few minutes early and have a beer. When she shows up [ on time but neither a gymnast, nor a cheerleader, at least not in the last 20 years ] she apologizes for not answering my calls. She says she was on the other line with her credit card company. She says she had gone to Florida over the weekend with friends and realized someone had made several purchases on her credit card.
I told her she'd be ok, that once she disputes the charge, the CC co. will take the charges off her bill and investigate to find out who made the charges.
At this point she says " well the truth is, I made the charges, because the guy I was with didn't have any money, and he said he would write me a check, and the check bounced, and I don't think that's fair, because he'll never pay me, so I shouldn't have to pay for those charges."
So I said " YOU'RE AN IDIOT, on the verge of becoming a criminal"
this, mind you was within the first 5 minutes of the date.
I kill my beer and start to desperately flag down the waitress to say " Check please". the waitress meanwhile misinterprets my wild gesticulating to mean, Bring me another beer, NOW.... And when she arrives with the beer my "date" shouts " I want a steak, right now, I'm starving , so hurry up, and put some of those shrimp thingies on top of the steak"
At this point, I haven't eaten all day, have a major buzz, and am facing a 30 minute drive home. So I order some food too. the rest of the mercifully short date was spent with "J" making the most inane and ignorant comments I've ever heard.
At one point, I am telling a story about a guy on TV who is on a show about young real estate agents in LA. He is trying to get an older guy to list a house with him. The older guy comments how young the real estate agent looks. The agent says "yeah, I don't seem to age"...the older guy says "yeah, just like Dorian Gray"... to which the agent replies, " Cool, is Dorian Gray trying to sell a house, I'd love to work with him".....now I think this is just too funny....but then my date says..."I don't get it, who is Dorian Gray, is he like a rap star or some kind of celebrity? "
I say " haven't you ever heard of ' the picture of Dorian Gray'"?
She says, "Oh, He's in the movies?"
I'm like...NO, he's not a real person, he's a fictional character"
She says " I don't understand" I say "I gotta go"

so,for the best part of the night... I'm on the way home and I call Teresa, a very cool chick who I met on match, and I tell her about the disastrous date....she says [ tongue in cheek ] " you don't need to be alone tonight, after an experience like that, I will be right over, and we'll go out for a beer" I say mmmmmmmOK

hanging out with her made up for the early part of the night, big time.We stayed out till almost 1 am laughing and telling stories.
She also shared one of her dating disaster stories with me.
She said she was going out with this creepy psychiatrist, who told her " all the rich men who live on Sea Island [ a very exclusive island off the coast of Georgia ]
all are married to retarded women who they train as sex slaves.
Teresa says, that pretty much did it for her...maybe when she reads this she'll post a comment.

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Weekly trivia contest results

My team didn't show up tonight for trivia, but I still had fun playing against the other teams....oh, and I won anyway !!! Here are some of the questions:

The 2 scientists who described the double helix of DNA were?
What confederate state lost the most number of men in the civil war?
Walter Reed, namesake of the military hospital was responsible for eradicating what disease [ and where]?
what is the style of hat worn by Popeye Doyle in the French connection and worn by Kid Rock called?

Last question:
the number of rifle shots in a salute to a US President times the number of Republicans depicted on Mt Rushmore plus the number of US presidents that have been impeached minus the minimum age for a US Senator.

The Truth About Those Sarah Palin Pregnancy Coverup Rumors!

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Michael Phelps returns to his tank at SeaWorld

ORLANDO—Fourteen-time Olympic gold medalist and SeaWorld main attraction Michael Phelps returned to his seven-million-gallon water tank Wednesday to resume his normal schedule of performing in six shows a day for marine park crowds every day of the week.

Phelps, the 6'4", 200-pound aquatic mammal, and the first ever SeaWorld swimmer to be raised in captivity by foster swimmers (Mark Spitz and Dara Torres), was recaptured by trainer Bob Bowman in a hoop net baited with an entire Dutch apple pie following Phelps' final Olympic event last Sunday. Phelps was then tethered to the rudder of a container ship bound for St. Petersburg, guided down local waterways, and introduced back into his home habitat, the tank in SeaWorld's 5,500 seat stadium, known to park officials and visitors alike as "Phelps' Happy Harbor."

"Michael seemed really excited to be back," said Bowman, adding that the male swimmer became playful upon entering his tank, breaching the water and sounding repeatedly. "He just started swimming freestyle and backstroke, and only stopped to slide belly first onto the tank's platform so he could be fed dozens of fried egg sandwiches."

"He fell asleep at the surface of the water around midnight," Bowman added.

Though Bowman plans on continuing the long-running aquatic show "Michael, The Yankee Doodle Swim Team Captain," in which Phelps was performing prior to leaving for Beijing, Bowman said he and Phelps would begin working on an all-new production, which will debut in September with the title "Champion!" Bowman has promised this show would be the most ambitious program in the history of Olympic swimmer sea spectacles.

Bowman says one stunt called the "Flying Medal" will begin with Phelps' 14 gold medals being suspended above the water. Phelps will then enter the stadium butterfly-stroking at full speed, coursing along the surface, and with every breach of the water, placing his head through the hoop of one medal after another. If Phelps is wearing all 14 medals at the end of the stunt, Bowman said, the swimmer will be rewarded with a whole pizza and a pound of cooked enriched pasta.

Bowman confirmed that the routine would also feature the signature aquatic feats that audiences from around the world have come to expect from Phelps, such as his trademark trick of 35 flip turns in 35 seconds, nuzzling a child with his nose, and Bowman himself "surfing" on Phelps' back while the subservient sea creature swims the breaststroke.

"Those seated in the first 14 rows should be prepared to get soaked," Bowman said, admitting that Phelps' powerful dolphin kicks would be added to the new program. "Also, Michael's two friends, [Olympic swimmers] Ryan [Lochte] and Jason [Lezak], will open the show with their humorous beach ball antics."

Beginning with the 1985's "Baby Michael Celebration," Phelps has entertained SeaWorld audiences for over 20 years. Spectators are not only enthralled with Phelps' exploits in the water, but his abnormally large torso, unusually small lower body, double-jointed ankles, gargantuan eating habits, the slurring, almost human methods of vocalization he uses to communicate, and his odd-looking goggle-covered face, all of which combine to make him the most unusual sight in all of Florida.

"I have never seen a stranger yet more majestic-looking creature," said husband and father of three Glenn McKay. "Last year we went to SeaWorld San Diego and saw [Michael's female counterpart] Michelle, and even though the show was a little funnier than this one, nothing compares to watching Michael almost hover over the water after launching his trainer into the air."

"Michelle" is SeaWorld's moniker for the Olympic gold medalist who was born Natalie Coughlin.

"I liked it when he played dead and floated in the water," added McKay's 8-year-old son Brandon, who was clutching a Michael Phelps stuffed doll. "I also liked when he blew water on everyone."

Though spectators—and ticket-sales personnel—are happy that Phelps is back at SeaWorld, members of the World Society for the Conservation of Olympic Swimmers released a statement yesterday saying that these athletic mammals should be released from captivity. The statement claims that there is conclusive scientific proof that confinement in smaller pools of water, as opposed to wide-open, Olympic-sized pools, causes the swimmers sensory depravation and a shorter lifespan.

"It's clear that Michael doesn't like being at SeaWorld," WSCOS spokesperson Jonathan Haines said. "When he was placed back into his tank, the slightly loose portion of his black swim cap immediately folded over to the right side, a telltale symptom of stress and angst. And you can be certain that, just before he left for Beijing, he didn't bite that little girl's arm off because he was happy. [ from the Onion ]

Bush Tours country to view the disaster caused by his presidency

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

This is what happens when you show off